That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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