I wanna passion pit in your ass
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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