I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
