I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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