I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
