I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My balls are so social today.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
