Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
