she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
