And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
