I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
