Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
try to milk me bitch
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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