So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
