Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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