K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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