There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
