I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
