He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
