So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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