between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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