Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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