Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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