I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
