i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
