my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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