Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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