I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
