If i come over, it means nothing
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
