He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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