I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
