Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
