I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Let's paint friendship bongs
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
