It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
