I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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