oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
