Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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