.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
