Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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