I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
