Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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