I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
