OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
