I'm eating all of the evidence.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
