This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
