just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
