why didn't you poke me back
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
