That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
