I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
