The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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