His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
