She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
