He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
