she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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