The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
its not stalking. its research.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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