We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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