I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
im on a boat
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