I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
